Equinox Tour 2002

After riding to the fort in whiteout conditions, I sat around and allowed my core body temperature to lower until the gang of 30-or-so decided to meander down to McClure. The warmup was way to slow for my condition, so after muttering a few expletives I set off on my own.

I passed Karen McKee and Armstrong by the first set of railroad tracks. One of them had lost a bottle going over the tracks. In my still-cold state I brusquely said I wasn't stopping and continued on my way until I was caught by a 3 man group of Thourot, Clark, and Card at the concrete bridge where we turn from Hull Prairie road to Haskins.

Card was along for the ride, Clark and Thourot, however, were interested in a good hammering. I joined in on the hammering. Now, there may be argument as to wether there was any actual hammering going on, but It felt like it for a cold March day. So there. Boy, I've got my work cut out for me this spring....

Anyway, Thourot peeled off on Long Judson, Just after the bridge. The coldness in his feet being too much to handle in the current conditions. Clark and I traded pulls all the way to McClure. Card stayed in our draft. I didn't complain. It's a club ride. He can dress up as little bo peep for all I care. Anyway. On Poe, we got back to "The Road from Grand Rapids Where We Either Take Long Judson or Poe Home" and ran into Thourot going the other way. We slowed down and allowed him to catch back on to us.

Now Thourot and Clark are back on, but, all of a sudden they're riding fresher than on the way out, and I can no longer feel my feet and hands, and I have no real sensation in my legs (or other parts of my anatomy for that matter).

Explanation(s):

1. I've been hammering since the fort.

2. It's been raining since it stopped snowing

a. I am not wearing any neoprene booties

b. my gloves are soaked.

c. so are my leg warmers.

3. I have not eaten since 9:30 am

4. The only liquid I possess is frozen coffee thanks to having to rinse my cleats due to a tree inspection at the fort.

Go figure...... Suffice it to say that by Tontogany Clark and Thourot are taking ten pulls to my one, and i'm deteriorating rapidly. I lost contact near the power plant and proceeded to take River Road as the most direct route to the fort.

It wasn't pretty, I did anything I could to take my mind off of the ridiculous cold that had overtaken my body, which wasn't easy since going down river road required coasting downhill into a headwind. I began grunting my breaths and speaking in tongues. A totally ridiculous sight. I became the slobbering madman that the good people of Waterville want kept out.

That wasn't the funny part however. The funny part was when I got to the top of the SR 65 fork, stopped my bike and proceeded to try and unwrap one of the clif bars I had in my pocket. I stopped at the stop sign, contorted my frozen limbs and digits to grasp the manna. It was a cruel joke however. My hands were too frozen to get a good grip on the wrapper, and my gloves were too wet. I stood there for some time trying to maneuver my fingers to grasp the weak fold. Eventually I decided to use my teeth, which only managed to rip a small corner from the package. The laughing sound of weakness grew louder.

Eventually, I got It opened and devoured. Only six miles to go. Grunting. Wheezing. Shivering. I was simultaneously furious at everyone and no one. In the end I began laughing like a lunatic( definitely a Toledo resident). Pedal stroke by pedal stroke....I got to the fort.

Card, Thourot, Clark, and Davis were there. I just stood there in a semi-coherent state. Jerry, with camera in hand, asked me to tell the camera how cold it was. With whatever control over my fingers I had left I gestured something reminiscent of the Perrysburg crit some years ago. Jerry took me home.

Like I said....This is why I roller-ski in the winter.

Will