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MEDICAL
NEWS—INCREASED INSTANCES OF CR Pharmacological chemist and pathologist Dr. Olmo Pinarello has identified a new form of an old inflammation. Over a two-year period, Dr. Pinarello studied people’s driving habits, and has noticed evidence of the old inflammation exhibited in increasing amounts. His study involved video cameras observing driver behavior. Increasingly, drivers find themselves without hands to operate vehicle functions. One hand is holding a cell phone, the other is applying make-up or shaving (the former usually but not invariably observed in women, the latter usually but not invariably observed in men). On occasion, the cell phone is held by the driver “scrunching” the shoulder so that one hand is free for the coffee mug while the other is involved in grooming. Dr. Pinarello hypothesized that his study would result in the discovery of greater instances of bursitis, commonly known as “tennis elbow.” He hypothesized this, thinking that bursitis is brought on by repetitive movements of a joint in the same direction, as in the hand bringing a cell phone to the ear or coffee mug to mouth. Other researchers, most notably the renown physician Dr. Masi Colnago, had indicated in previous research that such might be a likely possibility. Dr. Pinarello had a surprising result. He discovered no significant changes in instances of bursitis. Instead he noticed that drivers rarely if ever had a free hand for operating turn signals. The consequent was that those riding behind such drivers have had to guess, when seeing an automobile’s break lights, which direction the driver might turn. However, Dr. Pinarello discovered a greater than normal frequency among such drivers of another inflammation, and this a new form of an old inflammation. It is known scientifically as cranial rectumitis (CR). Unlike bursitis, in which the one afflicted with it knows they have it by the distinct pain they feel, people with CR are completely oblivious to the affliction. One of Dr. Pinarello’s research associates, Dr. Fuji Roubaix, believes that CR has a greater affect on other drivers, notably cyclists. He has observed cyclists being overtaken by automobiles operated by drivers afflicted with CR. The cyclist does not know whether the driver will turn right quickly, cutting off the cyclist, or turn left, or just doesn’t know where they want to go. A consequence for the cyclist, Dr. Roubaix noted, is increasing blood pressure and adrenalin pumped into the body. The combination produces mild to severe cases of road rage by the cyclist. Lacking a horn, or the ability to accelerate past the CR afflicted driver and try to run them off the road, the cyclist usually resorts to spewing obscenities. He observed one cyclist slapping the trunks of automobiles who turned right in front of him without signaling. Dr. Roubaix also noted that drivers afflicted with CR, since they are oblivious of their condition, tend to look offended and have puzzled expressions as to why this seemingly crazy cyclist is screaming at them or slapping their vehicle. Page |1|2| Last Updated 03/19/08 |
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