Fighting off the 5pm Demon
by William McLaughlin

Q:What does a bored, washed up bike "racer" do to entertain himself (besides the things that cause blindness)?

A:Simple, he soups up his commuter bike with TT equipment!

It's official, I have an honest-to-God piece of real TT equipment on one of my bikes: I put my bullhorn aero bars on my green Surly. Yes, the green Surly with fenders, a light, and 35mm tires. I have officially "tricked out". I'm ready to take on all comers...And eat their dust. Bring 'em on.

Kinda funny. I used to do "well" in local TT's but I never looked forward to them with the serious, maniacal (seriously manaical?) approach that has been adopted in the past couple years. Maybe it's the faker in me that dreads the hour of reckoning. But probably it's the unwillingness to face the either/or proposition of either getting trounced by an old fogey...Or not trouncing the old fogeys by enough. Why participate if failure is the only outcome?

I'm pretty sure I'm not in a minority with those feelings (okay, I'm just telling myself that to make myself feel better) so what brings people to these events in record, almost unmanageable numbers? Well, do you know what I saw at the first 1-lap TT this year, when I debuted my Surly in the "commuter" class? You may not believe this but rarely have I seen a gathering of so many fancy, expensive, mindbogglingly light contraptions designed, built, and purchased for to go in a straight line...very fast...And not much else.

Then, five minutes ago, it dawned on me. It's not that this is a ridiculous arms race and an irrational concentration of wealth, high technology, and mental anguish in one facet of the sport. It's the fact this is the ideal opportunity to try something outrageous and to tinker. It's also a fine opportunity for the old fogeys to spend their children's inheritance before they depart from this plane of existence.

Man, I love this sport!

Still, though, this doesn't help ME any. As much as I used to fantasize about it when I was a poor college student I've never been able to "break the bank" and buy something really really really really nice. If anything, I've gotten worse. Where once I would overhaul my BB every other week, look for bargains, and ride my contraptions into the ground now I buy contraptions that other people have already ridden into the ground...And proceed to ride them into the ground even more! I don't think I'll be able to change.

So, where was I? Oh, yes!

I still hate TT's. I dunno, I think I'm hopeless. But do you know the one thing that gets my britches in a bundle? It's how road TT's focus, to the exclusion of almost everything else, on the ability to ride in a flat, straight line...Very fast. I think the MTB'ers and 'crossers have one up on us roadies in that respect; at least in those events you have to be able to do more than just pedal your bike.

Could you imagine what a road TT would be like if you had to negotiate, like, more than 3 90-degree turns in 9 miles? Or if you had to negotiate narrow alleys? dirt roads? cobbles? 180+ degree turns? Or, just...maybe...A vertical gain of more than 100'???? Can I dream? I might actually, like, have fun while doing it instead of concentrating on my power output into a crosswind.

Alas, it's only an 'opeless fancy. I'll worry about my steady state wattage like a good boy.

So, now my solo tests are done...Solo. I see no need to break out the foot-stick (or yard-stick for some of you out there) and try to catch up with the Joneses. Wattage? It's a nice way to pretend going uphill. Now, most of my tempo workouts are riding at a pace to miss all the red lights while getting to work. How can I make it work? how can I tinker with my bike?

Hence, the trick bike. Fenders, lights, 35mm tires...and bullhorn aero bars. Bring 'em on.

Will McLaughlin

DISCLAIMER You gotta problem with what I think? Too bad.